While Quin is out of town for the next few days, I hope you’ll enjoy the following stories. Here’s to hoping everyone has a great weekend, and that you don’t get sloppy drunk at 9am ala Tara Reid. (Didn’t she just get out of rehab…..?) However, 9 pm is totally respectable. Cheers!

With DC having the nation’s highest HIV rate (an estimated 3% of the city’s population over 12 is infected with HIV or AIDS) several community groups are taking action to fight the spread of the disease. The campaign slogan is:”DC’s Doin’ It!” an attempt to use “sex appeal to sell safe sex.” Genius.

According to the Associated Press, these groups have received a $500,000 grant from the MAC AIDS fund to pass out  female condoms at “instruction sessions” in select beauty salons, restaurants, and churches. While female condoms have been around since 1993, a reported 1% has actually tried them. They are now being sold in DC CVS stores making Washington  the only place in the country where female condoms can be purchased outside a health clinic, or through community groups.

Wait a minute…. these are being passed out where? So I can pick up one of these bizarre sock-like looking things at the Sunday church meet and greet? Is my favorite Olive Garden replacing their after-dinner mints with these things? Gee, I sure hope so!

What do these “instruction sessions” entail? Just ask DC-area condom enthusiast Charlene Cotton (job title– condom demonstrator–no joke) who aims to help women become more familiar with the female condom. Well thank God, because I was so worried that men and women wouldn’t know what the hell this was, thereby misusing it and further increasing the HIV/AIDS rate. “She demonstrates how to insert the condom and has people feel and hold it. She gives each woman three and does her demonstration for men, too.” I have two concerns here: 1) Demonstration?  2) Wait a minute, is this really being done at a church? Why Charlene, why?!

I love how people think intentions are at all important. Is this kinda like how Kim Kardashian “never intended to be peed on in a sex video but is such a stronger person for it now and laughing all the way to the bank making $5 million (not a joke) a year?”

During a recent bikini shoot, 14-year-old Kendall told reporters, “It was a beach shoot, and I was wearing beachwear. I am happy with my age, and am not trying to rush into anything too soon.

‘I look forward to all the milestones my teens have to offer– sweet 16 (first Hummer!), turning 18 (first sex tape!), and so on (first reality show following me around while I do nothing but ride on the coattails of my sister, who is famous for her sex tape, and my dad, who defended a murderer!).”

I agree with Kendall, though. When I was 14, my mom took pictures of me making sexual frowns all over the place. Which is how I was first confused for a prostitute while sitting in the Ritz Carlton in Honolulu at age 15.

Alexis Latifi, number 1

The notorious list is out, and, let’s face it: people in Washington are not known for their looks. However, I am glad to see that the top two women are Republicans, followed by number 3 being Senator Gillibrand. I’m no ageist, but isn’t she too old to be on this list? I mean if you’re hair looks more like straw than actual protein fibers due to several decades of bleaching, I don’t think you should be on this list. Especially not above Sarah Palin.

Also–and please call me out if you feel differently–almost every single person that could pass for “attractive” by normal world standards is, ahem, NOT a Democrat. This is not just a bias. Seriously. See for yourself.

I would also be remiss to not call attention to fellow Vandy alum and immaculately dressed friend Sarah Spear, garnering a well-deserved spot on the list:

Since people who snort coke like its an Olympic sport deserve to be tan, Lidnsay Lohan’s tanning salon Beach Bum in NYC held a “Free Lindsay” demonstration Tuesday to stand in solidarity with the troubled star.  I’m sure she appreciates their support, both in and out of jail. I mean, look how natural and healthy she looks here:

Someone authorized the cast of “Jersey Shore” to open the NYSE. In these challenging times, is that really the message we need to be sending–that orange flammable-haired ethnic mutts claiming to be pure-bred Italian with Tijuana-quality boob jobs who do midget cartwheels without wearing underwear are honorable enough to open the markets? Seems about right.

I’m just glad they don’t have to extract Teresa’s $12K implants for auction. From Daily Mail:

“The Real Housewives of New Jersey are known for living large and spending lavishly. But now Teresa Giudice, star of the hit US reality TV show, will have to watch her beloved material goods being auctioned off to the highest bidder.

Papers show that the couple owe $104,000 on various store credit cards, including $20,000 to Bloomingdale’s, Neiman Marcus and Nordstrom. They also have unpaid bills of $85,000 for home repairs and $12,000 in fertility treatments.

Their total debts (estimated at $8.7 million) far outweighed their assets (estimated at $2.2 million).”

Just because she has a low voice and no boobs doesn’t mean crasher Michaele Salahi should make her “Premiere” party “Premier.” Jeez, buy a dictionary with some stolen funds.