politi-couture for the urbane sophisticate
Someone authorized the cast of “Jersey Shore” to open the NYSE. In these challenging times, is that really the message we need to be sending–that orange flammable-haired ethnic mutts claiming to be pure-bred Italian with Tijuana-quality boob jobs who do midget cartwheels without wearing underwear are honorable enough to open the markets? Seems about right.
I’m just glad they don’t have to extract Teresa’s $12K implants for auction. From Daily Mail:
“The Real Housewives of New Jersey are known for living large and spending lavishly. But now Teresa Giudice, star of the hit US reality TV show, will have to watch her beloved material goods being auctioned off to the highest bidder.
Papers show that the couple owe $104,000 on various store credit cards, including $20,000 to Bloomingdale’s, Neiman Marcus and Nordstrom. They also have unpaid bills of $85,000 for home repairs and $12,000 in fertility treatments.
Their total debts (estimated at $8.7 million) far outweighed their assets (estimated at $2.2 million).”
Just because she has a low voice and no boobs doesn’t mean crasher Michaele Salahi should make her “Premiere” party “Premier.” Jeez, buy a dictionary with some stolen funds.
Here’s the former model and red-blooded human posing naked to show off her synthetic body in Closer–thanks, but no thanks–magazine. Congrats?
Contrary to popular belief, this is not a picture of a random homeless dude or even a wanna be mountain man. It’s America’s favorite d-bag, Spencer Pratt, taking photos of God knows what. I’d be willing to bet that this wasn’t a staged photo shoot, similarly to how I bet Heidi is donezo with plastic surgery….
So apparently the former first daughter has fratastic taste. TMZ has reported that these little gems will be on the playlist at her wedding: ABBA’s “Dancing Queen,” U2′s “Beautiful Day,” and Michael Jackson’s “Don’t Stop ’til You Get Enough.”
Wait, playlist? Will there also be kegstands and cops checking IDs at the door? Do you have to know a brother to get in? Will there be a sign up sheet for beer pong and a separate table for flip cup?I know they’re democrats but there are some occasions that require gazillion-piece orchestras and top shelf liquor open bars. Just ask the Obamas. When they return from their hundredth vacation. In two weeks.
From POLITICO:
“In an interview on ABC’s Good Morning America, President Obama said he and wife are giving first daughters Malia and Sasha some money each week as part of a lesson on “basic concepts about savings, about interest, about being able to use the math skills that they’re learning in school.”
Wait, but where’s the part where you spend Monopoly money on useless social programs and create incentives for people to remain unemployed while tripling the deficit? Or is that the next lesson?
Looking for a drink to help you unwind at the end of this busy work week? I have the perfect solution. Granted, it might burn the lining of your esophagus, but its all in the name of fun. Scottish brewing company, BrewDog, has created the world’s strongest beer clocking in at 110 proof per bottle (55% alcohol) and is appropriately titled, “The End of History.” The brewing company’s co-founder James Watt claims, “This is the beer to end all beers.” Perhaps the best part of this, is that each bottle comes in an actual stuffed animal. (Hmmm…) Did I mention one bottle of this delicious concotion will set you back $762?
Watt claims the purpose of creating this blackout inducing beer is to “show people there is an alternative to monolithic corporate beers and introduce them to a completely new approach to beer and elevate the status of beer in our culture.” Cheers!
With new airport x-ray scanners essentially being a strip search, why not don these rubber pasties to cover up your bits? For only $20 this new set is yours! The pasties come with your choice of the following sexy phrases: “Only my Husband/Wife/Girlfriend/Boyfriend sees me Naked” stamped right on the front. A true crowd pleaser! It can also be used to send a message to that pesky TSA agent who wants to get a drink at the Airport Chilli’s after his shift. Win-Win.
