While Quin is out of town for the next few days, I hope you’ll enjoy the following stories. Here’s to hoping everyone has a great weekend, and that you don’t get sloppy drunk at 9am ala Tara Reid. (Didn’t she just get out of rehab…..?) However, 9 pm is totally respectable. Cheers!

With DC having the nation’s highest HIV rate (an estimated 3% of the city’s population over 12 is infected with HIV or AIDS) several community groups are taking action to fight the spread of the disease. The campaign slogan is:”DC’s Doin’ It!” an attempt to use “sex appeal to sell safe sex.” Genius.

According to the Associated Press, these groups have received a $500,000 grant from the MAC AIDS fund to pass out  female condoms at “instruction sessions” in select beauty salons, restaurants, and churches. While female condoms have been around since 1993, a reported 1% has actually tried them. They are now being sold in DC CVS stores making Washington  the only place in the country where female condoms can be purchased outside a health clinic, or through community groups.

Wait a minute…. these are being passed out where? So I can pick up one of these bizarre sock-like looking things at the Sunday church meet and greet? Is my favorite Olive Garden replacing their after-dinner mints with these things? Gee, I sure hope so!

What do these “instruction sessions” entail? Just ask DC-area condom enthusiast Charlene Cotton (job title– condom demonstrator–no joke) who aims to help women become more familiar with the female condom. Well thank God, because I was so worried that men and women wouldn’t know what the hell this was, thereby misusing it and further increasing the HIV/AIDS rate. “She demonstrates how to insert the condom and has people feel and hold it. She gives each woman three and does her demonstration for men, too.” I have two concerns here: 1) Demonstration?  2) Wait a minute, is this really being done at a church? Why Charlene, why?!

On Thursday morning, Barack Obama took a break from vacation number 256 and made his debut on ABC’s, “The View.” When asked by the panel why he chose to appear on the daytime talk show he responded, “I was trying to find a show that Michelle actually watched.” Are you sure that it doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that the View’s audience is 79% female and you just happen to have a 45% approval rate among women??

While Joy “I hate all conservatives” Behar was in her happy place, Elizabeth Hasselbeck was noticeably less enthusiastic. In reply to Hasselbeck’s question/claim that America seems to be in a perpetual state of “joblessness,” Obama claimed that he has actually “saved” jobs. And of course by “saving jobs” he means that 500 billion was spent to create a mere 600,000 jobs. High five! In addition to dodging politically related questions from Hasselbeck, Obama proved that he is a hip dude by saying that he has Jay-Z on his iPod, and that he actually does not know who Snooki is. Not familiar with GTL? Rude!!

I hear that Maury Povich is in the works to have Barack host the, “I’m a million percent sure you the Baby Daddy!” episode.

Sarah Palin’s cover for her new book, set to be released in November.

I love how people think intentions are at all important. Is this kinda like how Kim Kardashian “never intended to be peed on in a sex video but is such a stronger person for it now and laughing all the way to the bank making $5 million (not a joke) a year?”

During a recent bikini shoot, 14-year-old Kendall told reporters, “It was a beach shoot, and I was wearing beachwear. I am happy with my age, and am not trying to rush into anything too soon.

‘I look forward to all the milestones my teens have to offer– sweet 16 (first Hummer!), turning 18 (first sex tape!), and so on (first reality show following me around while I do nothing but ride on the coattails of my sister, who is famous for her sex tape, and my dad, who defended a murderer!).”

I agree with Kendall, though. When I was 14, my mom took pictures of me making sexual frowns all over the place. Which is how I was first confused for a prostitute while sitting in the Ritz Carlton in Honolulu at age 15.

You couldn’t make this up if you tried. While a woman can’t show her ankles, she definitely can breastfeed a grown man. Normal.

From The Daily Caller:

Sheikh ‘Abd Al-Muhsin Al-’Obikan, an advisor at the Saudi Justice Ministry, recently issued a fatwa allowing the breastfeeding of adults. The fatwa is aimed at enabling an unrelated man and woman to be secluded in the same room, a situation which Islam considers forbidden gender mixing. The rationale behind the fatwa is that breastfeeding creates a bond of kinship between the man and woman, rendering the man her mahram,[1] thus making it acceptable for them to be together in seclusion.

The fatwa created a stir in Saudi Arabia and in the Arab media at large, arousing a wave of criticism from clerics and columnists alike. Clerics claimed that breastfeeding could not create a bond of kinship between a female and an unrelated male over two years of age, and some claimed that the fatwa contradicted the shari’a. Columnists argued that such grotesque fatwas are insulting to women, and also tarnish the Muslims’ image. One columnist pointed to a paradox, namely that the fear of gender-mixing is prompting clerics to encourage lewd behaviors like women breastfeeding grown men.

Despite this criticism, Al-’Obikan has stood his ground, and even reiterated his position in greater detail.

Alexis Latifi, number 1

The notorious list is out, and, let’s face it: people in Washington are not known for their looks. However, I am glad to see that the top two women are Republicans, followed by number 3 being Senator Gillibrand. I’m no ageist, but isn’t she too old to be on this list? I mean if you’re hair looks more like straw than actual protein fibers due to several decades of bleaching, I don’t think you should be on this list. Especially not above Sarah Palin.

Also–and please call me out if you feel differently–almost every single person that could pass for “attractive” by normal world standards is, ahem, NOT a Democrat. This is not just a bias. Seriously. See for yourself.

I would also be remiss to not call attention to fellow Vandy alum and immaculately dressed friend Sarah Spear, garnering a well-deserved spot on the list:

Since Obama <3s living off of the hard work and resources of others, the comparison of kicking out people living here illegally to mass murdering God’s chosen people is so poignant. And accurate.

(Reuters) – A judge on Wednesday blocked key parts of Arizona’s tough new immigration law hours before it was to take effect, handing a victory to the Obama administration as it tries to take control of the issue.

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer said she would file an appeal to reinstate the provisions, which had popular support but were opposed by President Barack Obama and immigration and human rights groups.

“This fight is far from over,” Brewer said, adding that “at the end of what is certain to be a long legal struggle, Arizona will prevail in its right to protect our citizens.”

The Republican-controlled state legislature passed the law three months ago to try to drive nearly half a million illegal immigrants out of Arizona and stem the flow of human and drug smugglers over the border from Mexico.

The provisions blocked by U.S. District Judge Susan Bolton included one requiring a police officer to determine the immigration status of a person detained or arrested if the officer believed the person was not in the country legally.

Since people who snort coke like its an Olympic sport deserve to be tan, Lidnsay Lohan’s tanning salon Beach Bum in NYC held a “Free Lindsay” demonstration Tuesday to stand in solidarity with the troubled star.  I’m sure she appreciates their support, both in and out of jail. I mean, look how natural and healthy she looks here: