Wasilla socialite Levi Johnston and baby mama Bristol Palin have seemingly worked out something a little more lasting than an engagement announcement via People magazine: legally binding custody papers.
According to TMZ, Bristol has primary custody, with soon-to-be reality star Johnston getting visitation fights of 9 AM to 4 PM on Saturdays and 12 noon to 6 PM on Wednesdays. The two are also not allowed to speak negatively about their relationship or each other in front of the child.
Johnston will be paying a child support sum calculated from his $72,000/year income.
I just want to know how he makes $72,000/year, bangs Bristol Palin, and is planning to run for mayor of Wasilla, and has not been shot and taxodermied to be hung by the Palin family mantle.
Caroline Giuliani, the 20-year-old daughter of Rudy, was caught shoplifting at an Upper East Side Sephora. However, according to the New York Post, the store won’t be pressing charges on the youngster, who lifted about $100 worth of goods (seriously?! that’s like a Shu Uemura eyelash curler and maybe some Dior mascara. Haven’t you heard “if you’re gonna go, go all out?”!).
I really enjoyed the quadruple punctuation in that last sentence.
Here’s Japanese robot innovator Hiroshi Ishiguro’s latest creation, the Telenoid R1. Note it’s almost complete lack of human like features, which make it 50% more likely to give your child nightmares as he or she uses it to communicate with you when you are out of town.
I particularly enjoy the sassy arms-on-hips position, except then I realized it’s really just truncated limbs that make the robot look like your typical Oliver Twist-era factory kid.
Because nothing says “in touch with the American public” like dseigner salads, Sasha Obama had a lunch date with her grandmother in Chinatown. The two enjoyed artisan salads at Chop’t, where Sasha loaded her salad with salad with bacon and cream-based dressings and commented, “Thank goodness this tastes better than mommy’s miraculous veggie garden that grows vegetables in two weeks and is completely authentic.”
Charice, the teenage Fillipina sensation that exploded with popularity after appearing on The Ellen DeGeneres Show and The Oprah Winfrey Show, told reporters that she prepped for her Glee debut by getting botox. The 18-year-old thought it would make her look “fresh,” since pre-legal age drinking Asians age HORRIBLY.
Charice commented, “All people will be anticipating how will Charice look? Is she good enough to pit against Rachel Berry? So of course there is tremendous pressure.”
She added that she is “very proud to be an Asian, very proud to be Filipino,” interesting, given that the show focuses on high school misfits and nerds, and everyone knows the Mathletes team is never comprised completely of Asians.
Prez Obama made some comments about his daughter Malia geting braces. While POLITICO is concerned about embarrassment about the new metal fixtures, I’m more concerned that Malia is now tall enough to fit into the lower end of acceptable heights of men I would date. And she’s like 10 or something. Tell Michelle to stop putting gibberellins in her veggie garden foods.
“You know, the — I don’t have teenagers yet — Malia’s just turned 12,” said Obama, according to a pool report. “She’s my baby. She’s going — even though she’s 5’9″ now, she’s still my baby. And she just got braces, which is good, because she looks like a kid and she was getting — she’s starting to look too old for me.”
Please note Sasha Fierce’s sassy handbag that looks like it was made out of a Bed, Bath, and Beyond comforter.
Perhaps the world’s most famous teen parents, Bristol Palin and Levi “famewhorin’ Playgirl” Johnston are trying out “co-parenting” with their baby Tripp. Bristol told Good Morning America:
“I am doing my best to raise a happy, active and healthy boy. I believe that wherever possible, if the parents can cooperate and co-parent in a positive way, the child will benefit. Levi and I are turning a new page here as co-parents to this wonderful boy and putting aside the past because doing so is in Tripp’s best Interests.”
It appears the two are trying to patch things up, and Levi has been seen (perhaps by the creepy new neighbor-stalker) spending the night.
Where are the parents? Oh, that’s right, they’re too teaching their children about the birds and the bees via their homemade sex tape. Kendra Wilkinson will be using her vid as a “learning tool.” Much like a “teachable moment,” except with a woman being put in demeaning situations.
From Popeater:
“Now that this happened, it hurts, but I know it’s going to make me and Hank better parents. It’s really going to make us teach our child what’s right and wrong in this world. We’re going to make sure our son is raised with a good head on his shoulders, a person that has morals, that treats women with respect.”
Despite spending $350,000 cash on random teak furniture during season 1, Real Housewife Teresa Giudice is in $11 mil debt. According to the New York Post, Giudice and her husband Joe (a 5 foot tall man whom Teresa describes as “delicious and juicy”) have racked up the following debts:
- $104,000 in credit card debt
- $2.6 million in mortgages on three homes
- $12,000 in fertility treatment bills
- $5.8 million for “business investments” NOT THE MAFIA, OKAY?!
The Franklin Lakes couple brings in a paltry $79,000/year, and have four children. So, once you get over the $30K/month in mortgage payments, that leaves a good $500,000/year that the four daughters each must make in order to bail out their parents. Shouldn’t be too hard, though, since it appears oldest daughter Gia is aspiring to lose her virginity by age 10.
