With the heat of summer comes wedding season, one of my favorite times of the year.  This past weekend I attended a wedding in St. Louis.  Unfortunately, I was shocked by the apparel and behavior of some of the guests, and as the night progressed, things began to go downhill.

Let me start with proper summer wedding fashion.  I know it’s hot out.  I know the sun is shining.   Does this make it OK to wear skin-tight, skimpy dresses? No!  At the church, more people were gawking at the barely-there dresses on the guests than at the bride’s beautiful one-shoulder stunner.  My date commented that one girl looked like she “stepped right out of a Forever21 or Claire’s catalogue.”  Let’s say it in unison—ewwww.

On another note, if you’re going to go with a short dress, remember that no one sees the size on the tag but you—don’t be afraid to go up a size.  I saw many girls who looked like they were about to pop their dresses open.  Don’t be the stuffed sausage that everyone is whispering about during the toasts.  Soft and flowing is more appropriate than ruched satin any day of the week.

Back to the weekend wedding blunders.  After the initial shock of the tacky dresses wore off, the reception appeared to flow along smoothly.  Well, at least until one guest decided to break up with his girlfriend at the dinner table, and another reduced his girlfriend to tears in his belligerent drunken state.  The point of a wedding is to honor the marriage of the bride and groom, not to sort out one’s own relationship woes in the most public way possible.

When choosing the perfect date to bring to a wedding, it’s usually a better idea to go with someone who can keep his or her cool under the influence.  One particularly sloshed and rowdy girl went around slapping derrieres, including my date’s.  Twice.  Hands off, drunky.  Inappropriate touching is a big no-no, and it’s dangerous to make a redhead mad.  Just sayin’.

So what wedding etiquette have we learned today?  For starters, when getting dressed, remember that it’s the bride’s day to shine, not the perfect opportunity to test-drive the smallest scrap of fabric in your closet.  When attending a wedding, leave unnecessary drama at the door so all the guests can enjoy themselves.  And always remember to go easy on the booze, especially if you’re prone to beer tears or confrontational antics.

Remember people; it’s a wedding, not a free-for-all!  Dress appropriately, watch your drinking, and for the love of cake, keep your hands to yourself!