I can’t imagine this feels too good. A handy diagram from Daily Mail:
From CNN:
“South African Dr. Sonnet Ehlers was on call one night four decades ago when a devastated rape victim walked in. Her eyes were lifeless; she was like a breathing corpse.
“She looked at me and said, ‘If only I had teeth down there,’” recalled Ehlers, who was a 20-year-old medical researcher at the time. “I promised her I’d do something to help people like her one day.”
Forty years later, Rape-aXe was born.
Ehlers is distributing the female condoms in the various South African cities where the World Cup soccer games are taking place.
The woman inserts the latex condom like a tampon. Jagged rows of teeth-like hooks line its inside and attach on a man’s penis during penetration, Ehlers said.
Once it lodges, only a doctor can remove it — a procedure Ehlers hopes will be done with authorities on standby to make an arrest.
“It hurts, he cannot pee and walk when it’s on,” she said. “If he tries to remove it, it will clasp even tighter… however, it doesn’t break the skin, and there’s no danger of fluid exposure.”"
This guy is an absolute genius. I can’t wait to see how this will revolutionize cinematography for the music video for Lady Gaga’s “Teeth.”
A good way to waste time on a Friday while still learning something: Completely and unabashedly yanked from The Daily Mail, here’s a rundown of how to judge a person by his/her nose (beyond how good the plastic surgeon is). Note the “Nubian” nose attributed to our current president, which conveys charisma and charm, while Margaret Thatcher’s “Greek” nose is characteristic of efficient hard workers.
Turned-up
What it looks like: Imagine the shape of the ski jump at the Winter Olympics — it’s a long, curved, almost-concave slope with a slight upward peak at the tip.
What it says about you: cutesy uppy-nose types are often kind, optimistic and nurturing in personality with bags of enthusiasm, a strong sense of support for friends and family. Oh, and a sexually adventurous side too.
Who has one? Actresses Nicole Kidman and Marilyn Monroe; former Spice Girl Victoria Beckham.
Roman
What it looks like: This nose has a small bump protruding out, about halfway down the ridge. It points downwards at the tip, but not quite as much as the hawkshaped nose.
What it says about you: This signals a strong personality — but not always an impulsive one. They are very good at rallying people to take action, often very influential and carefully measured.
Who has one? Bono (of U2), French president Nicolas Sarkozy, singer Barry Manilow.
Greek
What it looks like: A long, straight and rather strong nose shape. If you look at the angle between the nose tip and the groove above your top lip, it should be about 80 degrees, almost a right angle.
What it says about you: These are grafters, efficient, hard-working, matter-of-fact sorts of people who keep their emotions close to their chests and can be difficult to fathom. You’ll want to be around them in a crisis.
Who has one? Tony Blair, Margaret Thatcher, Michelangelo’s David statue.
Hawk
What it looks like: This type of nose has a deep hook at the tip, pointing downwards towards your lip. The shape of the ridge is often curved.
What it says about you: Out of the six types of nose personality, these are least likely to care what others think of them. They don’t seek approval, are often rebellious and are most happy when pursuing their own goals.
Who has one? Socialite Paris Hilton, chef Antony Worrall Thompson, poet Dante Alighieri.
Snub
What it looks like: This is a short, small nose that doesn’t usually protrude to any great extent in any particular direction.
What it says about you: People with this type of nose are often quick-witted and more street-wise than your average person. They react quickly — sometimes too quickly, which can sometimes lead to aggression.
Who has one? Pop singer Lily Allen, Girls Aloud and X Factor star Cheryl Cole, and Pirates of the Caribbean actor Johnny Depp.
Nubian
What it looks like: Short and wide, not as protruding as the other shapes and quite an uncommon shape among European noses. It’s common among certain ethnic groups.
What it says about you: This nose type is said to reflect creativity and passion. Its wearers are often charismatic,which draws people to them.
Who has one? Actor Will Smith, model Naomi Campbell, Barack Obama.
You can now add “unquestioned lemming-like belief in scientifically unverified and fictitious theories” alongside “apple pie,” “baseball,” and “Ford trucks” to the list of all things American. Bill Nye, of Bill Nye the Science Guy fame, spoke with he-woman and completely unbiased Rachel Maddow and discussed the importance of not questioning the “authorities” on global warming lest one desires to be “almost unpatriotic.”
Maddow, who has never hidden her love for Obama, global warming bleeding hearts, and all women except Sarah Palin, seemed to agree with the aging scientist.
Nye also cited the awarding of Nobel Prize money towards investigating climate change, which automatically makes it legitimate.
“I didn’t know that eating pork improved sexual activity. It is much more gratifying to eat some grilled pork than to take Viagra.”
Such are the words of wisdom from Argentina’s president Cristina Fernandez, who addressed the swine industry Thursday. This comes on the heels of the adminstration granting more subsidies for the pork industry. Argentinians are one of the largest consumers of red meat in the world.
Juan Luis Uccelli, the figurehead of the industry, supported Fernandez’s comments (duh), citing Denmark and Japan, two of the healthiest countries, as examples of pork’s benefits.
Tila Tequila, fame whore extraordinaire who recently got “engaged” to her lesbian lover and heiress to the Johnson and Johnson fortune, Casey Johnson, took to her Twitter to tell her online fans that she is pregnant:
“BIG ANNOUNCEMENT: I am going to become a SURROGATE MOTHER for my brother & his wife!!! That is my xmas present to them. I’m pregnant!!!!… I love my brother! This will change his life and mine forever!!!”
Wait so who thought it would be a good idea to store his/her child in this pint-sized incubus of soft core porn?
Recent research conducted in the Loch Ness does not bode well for golf fiend Obama and his leisure-loving administration. Research teams with the Danish Golf Union discovered that golf balls take anywhere between 100 and 1000 years to decompose naturally, which is a little scary given that approximately 300 million balls are lost/discarded in the US alone per year.
Scientists found that golf balls release high amounts of heavy metals during decomposition, distributing dangerous levels of zinc in the synthetic rubber filling of solid core golf balls. When the zinc hit water, such as any one of hundreds of thousands at the bottom of Loch Ness, it attached to ground sediment and poisoned the surrounding nature life.
Course manager of the Danish Golf Union said, “We are planning to collaborate with environmentalists in America to conduct more tests to fully explore the extent of the problem.”
Obama is planning on discussing this matter over golf.
In a government-funded project, scientists have finally been successful in creating synthetic sperm and eggs, possibly deeming women and men obsolete from carrying on the human race.
The success has been met with mixed reactions: some are excited about the advance because it offers infertile women the opportunity to have children with their genetic material, but opponents are concerned about messing with the natural processes of life. The research project also includes the search for a “miracle pill” to stave off menopause, allowing women to give birth at older ages.
Also up on the list for the research project is finding a way for gay couples to create offspring based on two of same-sexed parents’ genetic material.
Najibullah Zazi, an Afghanistani shuttle driver from Denver, was seeking “urgent” help recently to make explosives using his newly purchased supplies. Where’d he get such destructive materials? Beauty supply stores.
Zazi plotted for more than a year to set off bombs in NYC trains and subways. He was indicted Thursday on federal charges of conspiracy to use weapons of mass destruction. Zazi has previously been charged with lying to the government about suspected involvement in a New York-Denver-based terror plot.
In July and August, Zazi bought unusually large amounts of hydrogen peroxide and acetone, and people should have been tipped off immediately because everyone knows acetone-based nail polish removers will do a number on your cuticles.
He bought these solvents in large quantities from his local beauty store.
Call it “fall of man” fashions, but the serpent has been making for some seriously lethal new looks for the upcoming season. Back in the times of Adam and Eve, everything was much simpler: all you had to do was pick out your favorite fig leaf and you’d have your outfit for the day. In post-Lapsarian 2009, we are shamelessly flashing this symbolically sinister snake around as a new way to flaunt our status and wealth.
With our current economic crisis showing no letting up in the near future, the government has taken to the taxpayer wallet to float unnecessary spending and pork-stuffed legislation. We can feel the boa constricting across our paychecks with every tax hike Congress inexplicably passes.
The snake has many different representations, but almost all interpretations are united by a dark, conniving understanding of the animal. From pop culture (House of Slytherin, anyone?) to classical lore (Medusa’s awesomely cold-blooded weave), these flexible vertebrates are the next big thing.
On the plus side, there are a few positive attributes to the serpent that should not be discounted. For example, a snake swallowing its tail is a symbol of eternity, which offers us so optimism in these financially dark times when we can only pray for an upswing in the economic cycle. Without the snake eating its tail icon, we may never have experienced aromatic scents like perfume and important beauty products like hair dye (to bring this point home for men: no basketballs or condoms). Here Kekulé, a German chemist, discovered the benzene ring. If you aren’t fresh out of OChem, just know it’s an uber-important compound. Kekulé said that he discovered the ring shape of the benzene molecule dreaming of a snake biting its own tail. From this scientific discovery we have made endless fashion items, like sticky bras (always an awkward surprise for your date) and the dreaded leggings.
So if you’re tired of the same boring bangles and leather belts, try on an anaconda for size. Whether naughty of nice, these endlessly fascinating creatures make for great conversation starters at your next cocktail party.
