This weekend, our fav guidette, Snooki, was seen on the Seaside Heights, NJ boardwalk with her new lover, Jeff Miranda. Maybe its just me, but I think this is true romance. After all, going on amusement park rides, eating corndogs, and inadvertently flashing people is the real recipe for love. Jeff writes on his facebook: “People no more Snookie talk. Her name is Nicole by the way. All I’m saying is we had a great time together. She is an amazing girl and couldn’t ask for any more or less. I am not making any further comments about Nicole and myself. When the time is right you will be updated.”

Well, since it sounds like this character is not in any way trying to promote himself/gain popularity, he will be keeping a tight-lid on the relationship. Just like how Snooki has claimed to tone down her drinking habits.

Friday afternoon our fave GTL-er, Snooki, was arrested in Seaside Heights, NJ for…wait for it….disorderly conduct/public intoxication! NO way!

Earlier on Friday, Snooki was reportedly seen partying with a beer bong on the beach, but it was apparently only filled with Coca-Cola. Hmm. Listen, Snooki: I may not have been to the Jersey Shore, but I have been to Panama City Beach which is equally as classy. Let me tell you, the beer bongs there were certainly not filled with Coca-Cola, and I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume yours weren’t either. Hence the reported face-planting in the sand.

MTV crews were filming season 3 of their hit show whilst this happened, so in due time we can all witness the hilarity that will ensue from this event.

Perhaps the best part of the arrest was Snooki’s T-Shirt which had the following written on it: “Instant Slut, just insert alcohol.” Keepin the Jerz as classy as ever.

Update: Snooki was released from the drunk tank late Friday evening. Expect her to continue the drunken shenanigans this afternoon.

Someone authorized the cast of “Jersey Shore” to open the NYSE. In these challenging times, is that really the message we need to be sending–that orange flammable-haired ethnic mutts claiming to be pure-bred Italian with Tijuana-quality boob jobs who do midget cartwheels without wearing underwear are honorable enough to open the markets? Seems about right.

Since she believes people should just tan in peace, Snooki told Meghan McCain in an interview for Daily Beast that she in fact voted for the Arizona senator. She commented, “To be honest with you, I’m not really a Republican or a Democrat. I actually signed up as an independent, just because I don’t want to pick any side and also I don’t really know a lot about politics. I only know politics about, like, you know, tanning and being a Guidette. So when I saw it was Obama and McCain, to be honest with you, the only reason why I voted for your father was because he was really cute and I liked when he did his speeches.”

I think it’s adorable that registering to vote in Snooki’s world is “signing up,” like it’s some sort of cheerleading try out. Interesting that the over-baked fake Italian prefers the super white candidate to the partially black one. People never give reality stars enough credit these days.

The Tanning Tax has forced Snooki and her Jersey Shore frenemies to cut back on their UV tanning habit, but that doesn’t mean spray tanning is off limits. Snooki took to her Twitter to comment, in a perfect example of how MTV reality shows create self-absorbed oompa loompas:”I don’t go tanning-tanning anymore because Obama put a 10 percent tax on tanning. … He did that because of us.”

McCain, who is fighting to stay friends with the GOP despite <3ing big govt and a bunch of other democratic party-associated crap, re-tweeted: “@Sn00ki u r right, I would never tax your tanning bed! Pres Obama’s tax/spend policy is quite The Situation. but I do rec wearing sunscreen!”

See what he did there? The use of one-letter words  like “u” and “r” is definitely going to get at least three 18-year-olds to vote for him.

I’m not sure why anyone’s surprised, but Mike “The Situation” from “Jersey Shore” thinks he deserves an invitation to the White House Correspondent’s Dinner. Perhaps he’ll be recognized for all his hard-hitting journalism he’s produced on the President’s theories and actions. Or maybe a critique of Obama’s poorly waxed chest.

The tanorexic told POLITICO: “I heard that it’s just a day where pretty much some of the biggest celebrities of the year get to come and meet the president. My show is one of the biggest shows of the year — and me being the main character of my show, as well as being one of the breakout stars of the year …”

Personally I was hoping Snooki would cartwheel for Sasha and Malia, if only to demonstrate how to look classy while doing acrobatics with your snatch out for the world to see.