I love how people think intentions are at all important. Is this kinda like how Kim Kardashian “never intended to be peed on in a sex video but is such a stronger person for it now and laughing all the way to the bank making $5 million (not a joke) a year?”
During a recent bikini shoot, 14-year-old Kendall told reporters, “It was a beach shoot, and I was wearing beachwear. I am happy with my age, and am not trying to rush into anything too soon.
‘I look forward to all the milestones my teens have to offer– sweet 16 (first Hummer!), turning 18 (first sex tape!), and so on (first reality show following me around while I do nothing but ride on the coattails of my sister, who is famous for her sex tape, and my dad, who defended a murderer!).”
I agree with Kendall, though. When I was 14, my mom took pictures of me making sexual frowns all over the place. Which is how I was first confused for a prostitute while sitting in the Ritz Carlton in Honolulu at age 15.
From POLITICO:
“In an interview on ABC’s Good Morning America, President Obama said he and wife are giving first daughters Malia and Sasha some money each week as part of a lesson on “basic concepts about savings, about interest, about being able to use the math skills that they’re learning in school.”
Wait, but where’s the part where you spend Monopoly money on useless social programs and create incentives for people to remain unemployed while tripling the deficit? Or is that the next lesson?
Charice, the teenage Fillipina sensation that exploded with popularity after appearing on The Ellen DeGeneres Show and The Oprah Winfrey Show, told reporters that she prepped for her Glee debut by getting botox. The 18-year-old thought it would make her look “fresh,” since pre-legal age drinking Asians age HORRIBLY.
Charice commented, “All people will be anticipating how will Charice look? Is she good enough to pit against Rachel Berry? So of course there is tremendous pressure.”
She added that she is “very proud to be an Asian, very proud to be Filipino,” interesting, given that the show focuses on high school misfits and nerds, and everyone knows the Mathletes team is never comprised completely of Asians.
Where are the parents? Oh, that’s right, they’re too teaching their children about the birds and the bees via their homemade sex tape. Kendra Wilkinson will be using her vid as a “learning tool.” Much like a “teachable moment,” except with a woman being put in demeaning situations.
From Popeater:
“Now that this happened, it hurts, but I know it’s going to make me and Hank better parents. It’s really going to make us teach our child what’s right and wrong in this world. We’re going to make sure our son is raised with a good head on his shoulders, a person that has morals, that treats women with respect.”
Suri Cruise is only three years old and already she’s hotter than both her celub ‘rents. It’s a wonder, then, why Katie Holmes allows her to wear more lipstick than a trampy extra from Cabaret. It’s no surprise, I guess, given this is the same toddler that wears high heels. I’m sensing the first round of topless photos around age 5 and a porno by the early teens.
Forget dancefloor makeout. Tweens from Union Grove High School are in for a surprise when they show up to their next dance. They will find a new set of rules posted on the door, and to give you a SparkNotes version: stop having sex with clothes on when you’re fourteen. It’s great that we’re regulating this, but it’s also rather depressing that this has to be explicitly written.
“When dancing back to front, all dancers must remain upright – no sexual bending is allowed,” the policy reads. “Examples are, no hands on knees, and no hands on the dance floor with your buttocks touching your dance partner. There will be no touching of the breasts, buttocks or genitals. There will be no straddling of each others’ legs. Both feet must remain on the floor at all times.
